I don’t know about you dear readers…
But I can’t hardly believe anything that comes from what is loosely described as the “news” today
Sure, we have twenty-four-hour news coverage on thirty damn channels.
But not a damn one of them says anything that makes any sense.
Case in point:
The Reporter: “These are mostly peaceful protestors”
Meanwhile the background looks like a Texas A&M Homecoming Bonfire that got out of control.
But I will tell you what really got me to thinking, it was the “story” about the Tiger in the Bronx Zoo.
Did you hear about that one?
Well it goes a little something like this…
“The Bronx Zoo reported today that at least one of the Bengal Tigers in the Zoo, has tested positive for the deadly COVID 19 Virus.”
No explanation, not any clarification on “how” they figured that out, nothing.
I ask that very important question because you do know somebody had to take the Tiger’s temperature, right? You know, to “determine” IF that Tiger had the Kung Fu Flu.
I bet the conversation went something like this….
EDITORS NOTE: Please understand these conversations are done with a New York accent that is also noted as the best birth control device known to mankind due to its horrible high-pitched screeching sound.
ZOO ASSISTANT: “Sir, I think we have a problem with one of the big male Bengal Tigers”
ZOO MANAGER: “What’s wrong?”
ZOO ASSISTANT: “I think one of the Tigers has the deadly COVID 19 Virus”
ZOO MANAGER: “We will have to take his temperature to confirm it”
ZOO ASSISTANT: “Ah, sir we don’t have the ability to tranquilize an animal that size anymore.”
ZOO MANAGER: “Yeah I almost forgot that Mayor Dumbass cut our budget to paint streets with all those peaceful protestors.”
ZOO ASSISTANT: “What should we do?”
ZOO MANAGER: “What’s the new guys name again?”
ZOO ASSISTANT: “Roy sir, his name is Roy.”
ZOO MANAGER: “That’s right, I keep forgetting. Call him in here.”
ROY: “Sorry I’m late I was getting the monkey poop off the rails after the latest poop slinging incident.
ZOO MANAGER: “That’s quite alright Ray, I have heard a lot of good things about your work.”
ROY: “It’s Roy sir, my name is Roy and thank you.”
ZOO MANAGER: “I am promoting you Ray to a very important job.”
ROY: “My name is Roy but thank you! I have tried to work really hard and…”
ZOO MANAGER: “No need to thank me Ray, now take this rectal thermometer.”
ROY: “What do you want me to do with it?”
ZOO MANAGER: “I need you take a Tigers temperature to be sure he doesn’t have COVID 19, O’ Yeah and wear a mask while you are doing it.”
ROY: “You mean like stick it in his butt?”
ZOO MANAGER: “Precisely my bright young protégée!”
ROY: “I don’t know about this…”
ZOO MANAGER: “Nothing to fear Ray, my Assistant and I will be distracting him from a safe place outside the enclosure by saying “Here Kitty Kitty” in a soft reassuring voice as you sneak up behind the Tiger to insert the rectal thermometer.”
ROY: “These seems kind of dangerous to me…”
ZOO MANAGER: “Nonsense Raymond, utter nonsense! Just ask my Assistant!”
ZOO ASSISTANT: “Yeah, whatever, I am sure it will be ok.”
ZOO MANAGER: “You are going to have to be really quiet and sneak up on him, gently raise his tail to insert the rectal thermometer and one other thing I forgot to mention…”
ZOO MANAGER: “You are going to have to pull it out and read the temperature”
ROY: “So this is like a promotion, right?”
ZOO MANAGER: “Most assuredly so my young brave ambitious Lad! Now let’s get started.”
I provide this all too brief summary of the conversation to simply say this.
You want to know “How” I know the “Big News” story about the Tiger in the Bronx Zoo getting the Kung Fu Flu is a bunch of made up Bull Crap?
I will tell you why.
There wasn’t a follow-up story on Roy getting his ass eaten alive by a Tiger in the Bronx Zoo, that’s how.
Be careful what you watch on television my dear readers.
Or you might find yourself as gullible as Ole Roy