You will hear it all week from people in the grocery store, and from your friends and relatives; “Happy Thanksgiving.” I love this time of the year, I truly do.
For many of you, it’s also a time I like to call “Controlled Poisoning”.
You know what I am talking about.
It’s the dreaded countdown to when your wife’s Aunt Lucy will arrive with her “Ten Bean Chinese Surprise” casserole. You know the one I am referring too.
The one that she froze last 4th of July after everyone got a whiff and it smelled like old odor eaters. Yeah, she is bringing the remainder of it to Thanksgiving.
EDITORS NOTE: I think “IF” we have learned anything the past couple of years is, not too trust anything that has the word “Chinese” incorporated in the title.
Some of you are not looking forward to seeing your cousin Bradley, who dropped out of Clemson for the umpteenth time and gets liquored up by the third quarter of the Lions game and then starts into a diatribe about what he learned in his political theory class.
As an unrelated sidenote, please remember to discard the macaroni salad he is bringing to Thanksgiving this year.
You and I both know he bought that two weeks ago at Kroger and it’s been setting in the trunk of his car the entire time. In the event you are worried about hurting Eddie’s feelings just remember how many times you had to unclog the toilet last year.
Since I mentioned it, it may also be a good time to get a new toilet plunger and extra toilet paper.
I am just saying.
EDITORS NOTE: It’s also worth noting that in the event you have any relatives from Tennessee visiting for Thanksgiving, please remember this simple safety tip: “Squirrel doesn’t go with everything.”
Fortunately I don’t have any of those issues here at lovely Blackwood Manor.
For me, it’s a time to be thankful and grateful for the things I “do have” and not the things I don’t have.
Case in point.
Due to the surge in sales of the new book “Over Easy”, I received several encouraging emails this week.
One asked me…
“I bet you will make enough money to get yourself a Bentley.”
I don’t know why someone would think “Doc” and I would need an English butler, sure we are messy, what do you expect? It’s two guys living here! But I make it a point to clean the toilets once every two weeks whether they need it or not.
Also too, I think that the butler’s English accent would eventually drive “Doc” and I bonkers and I think “Doc” might end up biting the guy.
So that’s a hard NO to a Mister Belvidere here a Blackwood Manor.
Another email said…
“I was expecting to see you with a Maserati with all these book sales!”
I had an Italian girlfriend once. But when she got mad at me (which was quite often by the way) she would shake her fist and scream at me at the top of your lovely lungs.
Unfortunately, we had to part ways when I realized in her anger, she looked like the former World War II Italian Dictator Benito Mussolini.
I do miss her lasagna though.
But like I said earlier, for me, it’s about being thankful for the things I have, not for the things I don’t.
But seriously, I do miss her lasagna.
I am most thankful for “Doc” The World Famous Black Lab, by closest companion and my best friend.
We spend all our days and nights together and I am thankful that we have another Thanksgiving together. He puts up with my occasional insomnia and my long hours of writing and I put up with his occasional flatulence that closely resembles a Syrian chemical attack.
It’s just “Doc” The World Famous Black Lab and I here for the holidays and we are grateful.
We are both thankful and grateful for you readers and those of you that purchased or will purchase my newest book. Doc is especially excited for your purchase as his picture is prominent on the back cover.
Due to his new found fame, Doc has now insisted on his own cellphone and Instagram page.
EDITORS NOTE: Celebrity Kids, what are you going to do?
I am thankful for those people that have encouraged me over the years and continue to do so.
I will never be able to thank you all enough.
I am especially thankful to live here at stately Blackwood Manor, and not in Tennessee Taliban Land.
EDITORS NOTE: Like I stated earlier, “Squirrel doesn’t go with everything.”
And just for the record, there isn’t a wine that goes with squirrel, just so you know.
EDITORS NOTE: Just FYI, there isn’t a wine that goes with possum either.
So I say all of that to say this…
Be good and kind to those around you. “Yes” even your cousin Bradley that can’t seem to stay in school or stay sober until the end of the Lions game on Thanksgiving day.
You know you are going to have to at least sample your wife’s favorite aunt Lucy’s casserole, so you might as well smile as you do it. You know where the toilet plunger is located.
Be thankful this year for all those little things that make life worth living.
Life isn’t about an English butler or an angry Italian girlfriend.
It truly is about all the wonderful little things in life that we should be thankful for…
But seriously, I do miss that girl’s lasagna.
I would go into more detail here and provide some sentimental thoughts and memories of Thanksgiving’s past. But I can’t right now.
“Doc” is in the other room making another Tik-Tok video for Instagram, and I need to intervene.
But I have to admit, “Doc’s” impression of Ray Charles is amazing and those dark sunglasses on his face makes me laugh.
Sorry, I have to get to the business at hand now.
I can’t have him banned again on Instagram, or we will end up on the cover of the National Enquirer.
Celebrity Kids, what are you going to do?
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone